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Flying Green Rhino, demonstration of an over unity device.by Kevn Lambson of PES Network, Inc..
Flying Green Rhino, demonstration of an over unity device.
by Kevn Lambson of PES Network, Inc..

Alternative Energy Humor

The lighter side of light. The gassier side of gas.

Contents

Misc. Images

Finally found . . . the treasure at the end of the rainbow. Waste to Energy: Treasure from Trash (Thanks Nathan Allan)
Finally found . . . the treasure at the end of the rainbow. Waste to Energy: Treasure from Trash (Thanks Nathan Allan)
Galaxies Colliding In the constellation of Pisces, some 100 million light-years from Earth, two galaxies are seen to collide. (PhysOrg; Aug. 26, 2005) AND WE THOUGHT WE HAD IT BAD (Which planet's insurance policy would cover that one?)
Galaxies Colliding In the constellation of Pisces, some 100 million light-years from Earth, two galaxies are seen to collide. (PhysOrg; Aug. 26, 2005) AND WE THOUGHT WE HAD IT BAD (Which planet's insurance policy would cover that one?)




Instead of spanking, consider taking your kid for a ride and giving him/her the manual windshield wiper assignment. (Thanks Rich Kushinsky)
Instead of spanking, consider taking your kid for a ride and giving him/her the manual windshield wiper assignment. (Thanks Rich Kushinsky)
The Cutting Edge - Maybe not so funny. Where can we get one?
The Cutting Edge - Maybe not so funny. Where can we get one?

  • Red Green Show - Perpetual Motion Machine - Hilarious spoof on the perpetual motion mindset. Comedian inventor devises method for keeping his law mower running without having to purchase fuel. (PESWiki; Jan. 24, 2008)

April Fools 2009

  • Featured: Biofuels > Human-Powered >
    NatGeo Bus Powered by Passengers - The bussing authority in Atlanta in conjunction with NatGeo, a global biofuel research group, has been experimenting with a new approach to powering their bus fleet with the passengers that board the bus. Passengers enter through the jaws and exit through the tail pipe. (Free Energy News; April 1, 2009)

April Fools 2008

  • ZPE > Zero Point Energy Inventor Self-Destructs - Oregon Vortex resident, Tniop Orez, nearly solved the riddle of harnessing zero point energy when on midnight of Friday 13, he successfully divided by zero, only to realize he did not have a control mechanism in place. (SpaceTimes; April 1, 2008)
  • Biofuels > Biofuel On-the-Go - Indian taxi driver grows his own biofuel on the fly. Clippings-catcher on lawn mower in the trunk is directed to an on-board biodiesel maker. Between passengers, driver cuts enough genetically-modified super-fast-growing grass to fuel the next stint. (HempNext; April 1, 2008)
  • DIY > DIY Automobile Kit Announced - IKEA is thinking about selling cars, but only to advanced IKEA customers. Some assembly required. (MakeGeek; April 1, 2008)
  • Human Power > Asian Child Mimics Hydro Plant - Energy savant child, Kazuo Hydrohuko, has discovered how to harness the power of municipal water fountains. The method doubles as an effective enema. (Josu Kideng; April 1, 2008)
  • Man-Blubber: A Biofuels Bonanza!- Mac Johnson wrote; "I once considered writing a column on the possibility of man-blubber as biofuel and discarded the idea as too ridiculous even for parody. I now see that when it comes to the current mania for biofuels, 'too ridiculous' is a difficult point to reach." (Energy Tribune; March 13, 2008)

Daylight Savings Crisis

Global Warming

  • Two Sides of the Same Coin (video) - The Stuart David Show -- Episode 12 -- A Foothill in the Mouth, provides a good-natured poking fun at environmentalism and extremism from either end of the spectrum. (Vimeo; Apr. 2009)

The Grinch '08

"And with global warming," the Grinch grinch-ish-ly screamed,
"The only White Christmas will be in their dreams!"
"It's a scientific fact - there's no doubt any more!"
"Only fools celebrate Christmas but deny Al Gore"

Free Energy

  • Humor >
    Congress Repeals Ban on Perpetual Motion Machines - In a bold move to lessen our dependence on traditional fuels and decrease carbon emissions, Congress voted to repeal an old Republican ban on perpetual motion machines, clearing the way for the development of self-propelled water wheels, self-flowing flasks, float belts, zeromotors, and other environmentally-friendly industrial equipment. (The Peoples Cube; Oct. 24, 2009)

(.34 Minutes) Dilbert: Free Energy

  • Magnet Motor. (YouTube; December 03, 2008)

- - - -

Mythion Impossible!

(.49 Minutes) frosty the coalman 2 For Internet.mov

  • Ludicrous coal industry redoing of carols. (YouTube; December 11, 2008)

Perpetual Motion

1.30 Minutes. Perpetual Motion Found!

  • Perpetual motion is reality. This is legitimate scientific proof of working perpetual motion! (YouTube; January 29, 2007)

Silly Stuff

2.54 Minutes. Lizard-Go-Round

  • This lizard does this every day and really seems to like it. Sometimes he gets thrown off and is right back up there again. We have thousands of them, they eat lots of bugs. ANOLIS CAROLINENSIS has been dropping in population due to other sub-species. (YouTube; Sept. 10, 2008)

DUE TO RECENT BUDGET CUTS, AND THE SPIRALING COST OF ENERGY, THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL HAS BEEN TURNED OFF.

WE APOLOGIZE FOR THE INCONVENIENCE


  • Powerless Products Ltd - A spoof site of an 'all too real' Ohio-based company that is currently engaged in deceiving investors & prospects in myriad of multiple 'power & energy savings' schemes that repeatedly fail to perform as marketed.
  • Carbon Belch Day - I pledge I will do my best to increase my CO2 output and unleash a Carbon Belch on the planet. I do this with no fear or concern that I am destroying the planet. In fact, I think a good Carbon Belch can be healthy now and again.(Grassfire.org; May 22, 2008)
  • Rube Goldberg Samples - Examples of cause-effect, transfer of energy from one form into another. Some of the effects might at first seem magical, but upon closer inspection, each can be explained. So it is with "free energy". In addition to gravitational pull and kinetic induction, transference methods illustrated also include wind, flywheels, and magnets. (PESWiki)
  • Dihydrogen Monoxide Research Division (DMRD) - The controversy surrounding dihydrogen monoxide has never been more widely debated, and the goal of this site is to provide an unbiased data clearinghouse and a forum for public discussion.
  • Boonsburg Egg -- Simple Moving Machine - Simple double disk design used to manipulate and move very heavy objects. Simple design humorously claimed to be identical to Ancient Egyptian "Sun Disk" and similar circles seen at Stonehenge and Coral Castle.
  • Fill 'er up! - Cartoonist Mark Fiore lampoons American public and corporate greed that myopically drives global instability from our collective addiction to oil. (CBS News; May 4, 2006)
  • 710 Problems Under the Hood - A lady recently came into a mechanic shop saying that she was missing her seven-hundred-and-ten and needed a new one. Finally, after pointing to one in another car in the shop, the mechanic figured out what the problem was.
Will Ferrell
Will Ferrell
  • Bush on Global Warming - Comedian Will Ferrell spins the Administration's enlightenment, or lack thereof, on the hot issue of our day. (TransBuddha)
  • Fahrtwind > Wind-Powered Car - The funniest thing about this one is that they seem to think they really have something here. Nothing like lifting yourself up by your own shoestrings -- or powering your car by the wind created from driving down the road. (YouTube; Dec. 22, 2006)
  • Bush Calls For Development Of National Air Conditioner - In a nationally televised address reminiscent of President Kennedy's historic 1961 speech pledging to put a man on the moon, President Bush responded to the global warming crisis Monday by calling for the construction of a giant national air conditioner by the year 2015. (Onion; June 20, 2007)
  • Flammy McGassy - Flash cartoonist Mark Fiore addresses the state of global warming, omitted in Bush' state of the union address, complete with silenced scientists. (CBS News; Feb. 2, 2006)
  • Green Roofs On Cars - Green roofs cool whatever is under them, eat pollution and produce oxygen. Zhishai, a Beijing taxi driver, thought that it might work in his cab; he planted two square meters of lawn on his roof which keeps him cool and comfy in hot weather. (TreeHugger; June 8, 2007)
  • Statically Charged Man Ignites Office - a man wearing a nylon jacket over a wool shirt built up such a static charge that he left a trail of scorched carpet and melted plastic in his wake. (Slashdot; Sept. 17, 2005)
  • 100% savings at the pump - Fuel Demon enables you to fill up without paying a cent. The only cost is some extra room and board. Not recommended for single guys trying to impress a date. (Funniest Stuff; June 15, 2006)
  • Addicted to Oil - Flash animation lampoons U.S. presidential administration policy regarding oil. Encourages action to "separate oil and state." (Huffington Post)
  • Redneck Rollercoaster - Harnessing the power of the automobile for some redneck thrills. Give your dog something to bark at. (FunniestStuff, June 7, 2006)
  • A Little Under-Powered - Documented evidence that a VW Rabbit is not designed to pull a travel trailer up a steep incline. Bicyclists happen to catch the whole drama. (FunniestStuff; June 6, 2006)
  • NASCAR Diaper Change - World record for speed spurs pit stop specialists to find true calling in life. (FunniestStuff; June 20, 2006)
  • Rebound glass keeps burgerlers at bay - Amazing glass deflects attempt at breaking and entering, while taking care of the criminals at the same time. (Don't try 2nd law of thermodynamics experiment at home.) (FunniestStuff; June 20, 2006)
  • Those are some nice tires! - Solution presented for tight urban parking and slot competition, cutting down on parking time as well. The exit might be a little more difficult, though. (FunniestStuff)
  • Don't Mess with Granny - Impatient yuppie in Mercedes gets what he deserves from elderly lady, waking her with a honk to cross the street. Brings new meaning to "old bag".
  • Free Energy Brain Analyzed - CAT scan reveals intricate patterns in the brain processes of a free energy research scientist. With no end in sight, the energy seems to come from nowhere.

Actual Question Submitted to Columnist Marilyn vos Savant - "Do you think daylight-savings time could be contributing to global warming? The longer we have sunlight, the more it heats the atmosphere." -- San Antonio, Tex. (Parade; July 29, 2007)

Actual Headlines from 2004
Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

Lethargy (Reaching Critical Mass)

Administratium (Ad)

by William DeBuvitz

(This bit of humor was written in April 1988 and appeared in the January 1989 issue of The Physics Teacher. William DeBuvitz is a physics professor at Middlesex County College in Edison, New Jersey (USA). He retired in June of 2000.)

"The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by investigators at a major U.S. research university. The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons, which gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.

Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would have normally occurred in less than a second.

Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at which time it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Some studies have shown that the atomic mass actually increases after each reorganization.

Research at other laboratories indicates that administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points such as government agencies, large corporations, and universities. It can usually be found in the newest, best appointed, and best maintained buildings.

Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reaction where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising."

Further Research:

"Since Administratium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a second. Administratium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons and assistant deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Administratium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass." You'll know it when you see it."

Administrontium (Am)

by Ellin Beltz

"The first photograph of crystals of a newly discovered element were taken using special equipment developed by Physics Non-Department Professors recently, according to a press release distributed by University Disinformation Tuesday.

The element, called Administrontium by its discoverers at California M and M University, is the heaviest element yet discovered by scientists. Created in their massive confusion reactor, the element has no protons or electrons and an atomic number of zero. However, it has one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice-neutrons and 111 assistant vice-neutrons giving it an atomic mass of 312. The higher level particles are held together by a continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons, while lower level particles are held together by peons. The absence of electrons precludes covalent or ionic bonding, but Administrontium has a different form of bonding, referred to by some California M and M workers as a sort of "old boy network" or male bonding.

Dr. Inrico Squirmi of the Physics Non-Department said that the discovery of Administrontium answers questions long unsolved by physicists such as why certain reactions take immeasurably longer in atoms with high numbers of neutrons. He said it appears that even elemental samples considered pure may contain traces of Administrontium. "Even a little Administrontium is enough to slow down a simple reaction," he said, adding that one reaction which should occur in less than a second required over four days to complete after exposure to Administrontium.

Squirmi explained that since Administrontium has no electrons it is chemically inert and has a normal half-life of approximately three years. However, Administrontium does not actually decay in three years, but undergoes a reorganization during which the assistant neutrons, vice-neutrons, and assistant vice-neutrons exchange places. He added that the atomic number may actually increase after each reorganization although scientists have never been able to find the additional neutrons but their presence can be inferred by an increase in mass and inertia.

California M and M scientists reported that they found Administrontium occurring naturally, once they knew the unusual nature of the element. It has been found most significantly in excellently appointed office buildings in the Western nations, South America, Africa and parts of Asia. In addition, archaeologists have discovered concentrations of it in the ruins of Egyptian and Chinese cities. Russian scientists report that levels of Administrontium in Moscow actually fell slowly after the Chernobyl disaster, according to sources in the former Soviet Academies of Science. American researchers point out, however, that the Russian results have not been confirmed by independent testing.

Another Physics professor at this institution, Dr. Far Out Om, said that although Administrontium has been considered toxic in any concentration since it slows or destroys productive reactions, new research indicates that the pathway of its effects is similar to that of calcium/strontium replacement. "Administrontium replaces the skeleton, if you will," he said, "It is a very, very nice reaction. Very slow, but irreversible." He added "Once Administrontium takes over, you will never, never get rid of it, no matter how much money you can spend."


Bureaucratite

"Scientists have released the secret of the source of Administratium; Administratium is refined from a repulsive amorphous material similar to a thick petroleum tar but much more viscous and sticky. This substance is known as Bureaucratite.

Bureaucratite should be avidly avoided as it almost completely freezes progress. Anything unfortunate enough to venture into a deposit of Bureaucratite is instantly trapped and becomes entirely coated with the bituminous mess, although it may take weeks or months to sink out of sight into a deposit. Many creatures, long extinct, have been discovered within such quagmires but better preserved than those found in ice or tar pits.

Extraction from a deposit, should one be so lucky, is always excrutiatingly long and painful and rarely completely successful. Many unfortunates are haunted by innocuous bits of the stuff which always turn up in the most unexpected places and inconvenient times. People unlucky enough to have been exposed to bureaucratite have exhibited dangerously raised blood pressures, heart rates and bodily temperatures along with extremes of emotion."

Bureaucratritium (Bs)

According to work done slowly by the National Institutes of Disease in Bedstead, Maryland, Administrontium can decay into a compound they have named Bureaucratritium. The toxic effects produced by Bureacratritium result in headaches, dizziness, bloating, an insatiable appetite, massive weight gains, inability to concentrate on work, compulsive copying and faxing, and eventually paralysis which ends after 15, 20 or 25 years. Persons suffering from Bureaucratritium exposure are recommended to take jobs in small, private companies where its effects can be mitigated by enterprise, initiative and risk-taking."

Governmentium (Gv)

Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction normally taking less than a second, to take from four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years. It does not decay, but undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes, not to mention multiple oxymorons.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. That hypothetical quantity might normally be called "critical mass" but, in this unique case it is known as "critical mess".

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium (Am), another just-discovered element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

Update: Professor Lesley of the Grunhaus Project has studied the new element and advises on what happens when Governmentium is subjected to Fission reactions Two new elements are created: Agencinium : Atomic Mass: 200 Inquirimoronium: Atomic Mass 198

The location of Governmentium deposits is found in every US state capital, with a mother lode in Washington, D.C.

A UK correspondent comments: Governmentium may have just been discovered in the USA, but vast seams of it have been mined in the district of Westminster, London for several hundred years and has been exported to every city and town in the UK. Everyone who comes in contact with it becomes morose and apathetic. There is no known cure for an overdose, other than cutting it out and dumping it in mid-ocean.

Incredible Metals

Adamantium

  • Wikipedia:Adamantium - A fictional invulnerable metallic or crystalline substance which has seen extensive use in comics, cartoons and video games.

Energon

Handwavium

  • Handwavium - Used to indicate a material that probably cannot even in principle be real and refers to a way of circumventing a problem by breaking the laws of physics. Use with discretion.

Mithril

  • Mithril - A precious silvery metal, stronger than steel but much lighter in weight, that was mined by the Dwarves in Middle Earth.

Naqahdah

  • Naqahdah - The building block for all Goa'uld technology, and the material used to handle the massive amounts of energy required to create a stable wormhole by a device known as a Stargate which is composed almost entirely of Naqahdah.

Promethium

Scrith

  • Scrith - A milky-gray translucent material impervious to all weapons used in Ringworld.

Thiotimoline

  • Thiotimoline - So soluble, that it dissolved in water up to 1.3 seconds before water is added. (Isaac Asimov)

Unobtanium

  • Wikipedia:Unobtainium - An extremely rare, costly, or physically impossible material needed to fulfill a given design for a given application but similar to wishsalloy.

Vibranium

What a Gas!

  • Smart Car's impact on cars of the future - See a gallary of what some of your favorite cars might look like if they were minaturized in the spirit of the Smart Car. Maybe you've already seen these, but I thought they were hillarious. Check out the Smorvette, Smaudi, Smamborghini, Smorsche (shown at right), Smerrari (Youtatech; June 25, 2009)
  • U.S. Govt. stages fake coup to wipe out national debt - Congress says that with no way to actually pay back our debts, so faking a coup to eliminate financial obligations is the best plan for the U.S. economy. Dressed as one of the attackers, Deputy Sec. of Agriculture, Charles Conner said, "You know, when someone dies and all their debts go away? Well, this is like that, except with countries." (Onion; Aug. 5, 2009)

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